I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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