Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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