my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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