After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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