he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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