This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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