I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
