if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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