My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
