He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
