Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
