i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
