I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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