So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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