We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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