if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
