Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
