worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
