Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize