If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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