Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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