I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
