If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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