Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
