in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
