so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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