I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
