Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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