no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm always down for nudity.
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