Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My ass is underappreciated
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
