Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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