Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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