I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
