I just made out with a guy for $7.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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