My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so let's talk penis.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
