please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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