i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
