whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you win again, gameday.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
