My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
