Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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