My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
