I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
