I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
