finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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