My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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