here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
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