Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
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FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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