She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
