she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
