I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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