He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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