did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
