WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
