and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
