You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
