i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's even glitter on my cock...
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