On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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